Foamy: For folks who use Facebook or any other social network, so many of these things are just a fucking massive time-sink of annoyance and idiocy. Seriously! [Guy falls from building behind him] First thing that bothers me about the whole "social network" thing--the people. Not your actual friends. I'm talking about the dumbass, shit-for-brains asshole who used to pick on you in high school, all of a sudden wants to be your friend; or the ex-significant other from years gone by, who was cheating on you, now wants to be...your friend. "Add me". [Germaine appears in a window] Are you fucking serious?! [Anchovie appears with Germaine and pulls her into him] Here's what each and every one of you assholes need to do before requesting to be someone's friend, especially mine. [Germaine and Anchovie are now fucking doggy-style] Think for a moment, do some self-reflecting, search your soul. [Germaine pops back up in the window and is jizzed in the face] Ask yourself, "is there any way I might have wronged this person in the past."
"Well, I did blow her boyfriend during her birthday party, but she wouldn't hold that against me, would she?" [Pilz-e appears in the window, begins bouncing, and his head explodes] "No. Add me!"
The other type of asshole that irks me is the purposeless twit who's deluded himself into thinking they're saving the world by using your page to post comments and articles about some hippie "legalize it" and "save the chinchilla" propaganda bullshit! These people need to shoot themselves in the head with a nail gun! [Germaine starts shaking her ass in the window] I also don't like when friends of friends ask me to add them as a friend. [Anchovie comes on her ass] You're their friend, they know me, you don't, move along. Listen, idiots, assholes, shitbags, whores, and ex-anything of any kind need not apply for friendship status. I would rather set your current or future children on fire than press the button and have you on my friends list. You hear me? [Begley walks past the window] If you didn't, watch this again. The other thing that drives me nuts are these little time-wasting quizzes everyone feels the need to send you. "What type of cake are you?" "Who were you in a past life?" "What Family Guy character do you most resemble?" [Germaine appears with Anchovie's decapitated head] Are all you goofy bastards so bored that you need to figure out what kind of cake you are?
"Oh, my God, I'm a vanilla cake with pink frosting!"
Yeah? Well, I'm an asbestos-lined cake filled with glass and syringes. Bite me! [The decapitated Anchovie walks through] If you hated taking quizzes in school, why the fuck would you do it during your free time?
I also don't care about virtual farming or virtual Mafia wars. I don't care if you grow an 8-bit corn, or if you put out a hit on someone. [Headless Anchovie starts strangling Germaine while she jerks him off, having him come on her chest and hand] I don't want to participate in a virtual pillow fight, and I don't care if you were Edgar Cayce in a previous life. I don't want assholes from the past all of a sudden getting all chummy with me, and I certainly don't care what #2 pencil I am. Stop wasting my time and go die.
For the cool people I used to know, the three of you I can remember, I look forward to hearing from you. Everyone else, if you haven't spoken to me in...ten years, why ruin a good thing? Fucking assholes. [Anchovie comes back, holding his own head]
(End Screen appears)
Foamy: "Add me as a friend!" Go fuck yourself.