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Cast (in order of appearance): Foamy

TranscriptEdit

Foamy: Unfortunately, humanity never ceases in its ability to piss me off! Case in point: dumb motherfuckers who write out a cheque for a three dollar cup of coffee, then start balancing their chequebook online, while everyone behind this fool is having their ice cream melt! Then there's these air-headed, ass-sucking women who throw glitter all up in their face as if it has some magical properties that's gonna change their hideous appearance! Glitter sucks, people! Stop it!

Lotto addicts that hold up the line at the local deli, they really piss me off! When all I want is a soda, they have to ramble off about a hundred lucky numbers, completely absorbed in their own "It could happen to me" mentality. [in a sarcastic dumb voice] "10, 12, 7, dollar box, 5,8, 4, straight, gimme a quick fix, mega millions, a win for life, and six lotto tickets"! [normal voice] That he'll fill out at the counter, while everyone waits behind him. [sarcastic voice] "All you need is a dollar and a dream!" [normal voice] And a severe fucking beating. There's no such thing as easy money, folks; get a job!

People with stupid bumper stickers that say "My money and my daughter go to Cornell University!" Well isn't that nice?! Not only are you wasting your money while your bimbo daughter is making dorm room pornos, but you've also let the rest of the drivers on the road know that you have a teenage daughter attending a particular school; now, all one has to do is copy down your licence plate number, use it to look up your personal information through the DMV website, and now they have all the info they need to hatch a clever plan to kidnap your daughter. DON'T YOU PEOPLE KNOW ANYTHING?! It wouldn't hurt you to think like a serial killer every once in a while, just for the sake of prevention! But frankly, any little bitch sucking cock for a good grade deserves to have her throat slit!

Speaking of slicing up human flesh, you parents out there really need to keep your fucking bratty children away from restaurants. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I don't go to restaurants to hear spoiled children cry, while their parents do nothing but grin like idiots as everyone else within a ten block radius has had their meal ruined because Little Johnny, or Tammy Neon had a fucking fit and is totally out of control! I'm seriously going to start slicing up baby eyes if this shit keeps up! If you can't find a babysitter, stay the fuck home and ORDER TAKEOUT!

So, if you're one of these inconsiderate shit sniffers, please remove yourself from society any way you see fit. I suggest fire, but whatever gets the job done. Thank you.

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