File:No Christmas For You.png

Episode Number 64


Cast (in order of appearance): Foamy



{The Warning screen appears.}

Foamy: Merry Christmas one and all. I really hate doing holiday specials of any kind, but frankly, I'm pissed off at all these neo-yuppie scumbags hellbent on removing the Christmas spirit from the Christmas season.

Every year around the holiday, some jackoff has to go complaining to some court about how he hates Christmas and how there's some manger scene with Baby Jesus offending him at some local school ... Well, who cares ... If someone decided to toss a baby Jesus on the front lawn during the holiday ... what's the fucking problem?

And that's another thing. You know how public schools used to have Christmas plays and shit like that, they don't do that anymore. And if they do, they remove all the songs that have any reference to religion in them. No "Silent Night", no "Joy to the World", and no fucking "Little Drummer Bastard".

These are the same type of institutions that tell you to be tolerant of everyone elses beliefs but try to beat every hint of Good Ol' St. Nick out of Christmas. How can anyone be offended by a fat guy who gives out free stuff? What? Are we all pissed at Santa because he's fat and happy and perfectly content with his image. It's like all these neo-yuppies want to give him an inferiority complex and put him on a fucking Fat-kins diet.

And that's why I like Santa, because he's a fat bastard, works one day a year, is actually happy, and eats all the cookies he wants. He rewards the good and punishes the guilty, kind of like a vigilante with gifts.

And just so you know where I'm coming from, I'm not one of these preachy religious fanatics, I don't go to church, and I couldn't care less about humanities' issues with the various gods they worship. I just want Christmas to be Christmas, without some fucking jackass telling me not to sing Christmas songs because it has religious overtones.

Leave the Christmas folk alone. Tis the season, to shut the fuck up and stop being a whiny little bitch. Stop ruining the holidays, you neoyuppie scumbag or I'll beat you with a Baby Jesus.

So Merry Christmas, one and all. And I don't care who says what.

Believe in the power of Santa or get nothing

{The Ending screen appears.} You're gonna get coal in your stocking, cause you're yuppie scum. Means more gifts for me. Keep pissing Santa off.

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