Foamy: This is Foamy, coming to you live from a Hello Kitty payphone, in Japan, where a lot of stuff has gotten fucked up! If you haven't been keeping up with the news, there's been a massive earthquake, a tsunami, and a bunch of nuclear reactor meltdowns! Needless to say, the shit has hit the fan. Now, unlike the Katrina thing, folks here have been real polite and haven't been shooting each other in the face over iPods and sneakers, so there's something to be said for Japanese sensibility. However, food and water are scarce and people are becoming overwhelmed. I mean, God forbid any of these reporters get off their asses and do a coffee run for these people, in one of their fucking news choppers! Nope. Not gonna do that. Andy Cooper has to sit around and pretend to give a shit, while cariously reporting the news like a nature TV show host, who "doesn't want to disturb the natural order of things!!" You lazy bastards!! Squeeze as many people as you can into those helicopters, and fly them to an area that is not underwater or radioactive! Don't watch -- ACT!! And in that spirit, if you' ever liked Japanese anime or their really cool comic books, donate! If you ever liked those crazy Godzilla movies or sushi, donate! If you ever had a thing for Japanese chicks in schoolgirl outfits, donate! ...Seriously, that last one on the list should rank in a few million. Easy. People are perverts! Anyway, whip out those credit card bills and donate to our refutable charity. Don't worry about how much, and don't give me that "Well, I don't have the money right now, Foamy." Folks, these people are without homes. They're swimming in a sea of dead bodies, and are partially radioactive! You can hold off on getting that zombie voice-changing app for your fucking iPhone. Okay? Donate! ...Wha-- Why am I glowing? Motherfucker... Donate!

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