Foamy: More mail from the super mystery cult of Foamy. To the layman, that's more Foamy Fan Mail. So, let's stop fucking around and get to the crap.

{reads first letter}

"Dear Foamy,

What's up with the new girl with the big boobs? I don't like her and her boobs are too big."


"Dear Boob-Watcher,


Your Lord and Master, {singing} Foamy!"

Neeeeeeeeeeext, piece of paper with some written text! What the heck?


"Dear Foamy,

What wit da gurl wit da tits, yo? This toon got all sexed up trippin, yo."

{chuckles} Okay.

"Dear, Slang Master,

The toon hasn't gotten all "sexed up, trippin', yo." Just because there's a character with big boobs in the toon, that doesn't make it all "sexed up and trippin', yo." If half you humans saw the human body the way I did, as a frail shell of fat and veins with a thinking meat organ, you'd actually feel sorry for the poor bastards. Joanna, or Mutie as I like to call her, is not meant to be just some sex gimmick. I could go into detail, but trust in the Master, there is method to the madness. A plot is formulating that will ultimately illustrate the human psychology of sexuality and the futility of therein. Be patient! All will be well.


Learn how to write and stop "trippin', yo."

{singing} Your Lord and Master, Foamy the Squir-rel."

{droning} NEXT LET-TER. Whoop-de-do.

"Dear Foamy,

When will we see the Boob Girl naked? and it's been over 100 episodes and we haven't seen Germaine naked. Why is she in her underwear all the time?"

Ugh. "Dear Underwear-Sniffer, what, you've never lounged around in your underwear before? DAMN IT! And no, the Boob Girl will not be naked."

It's just animated circles, folks! It's not real!

Ugh, next fucking letter.

"Dear Foamy, I will like to bang the new chick." Oh, man.

"Dear Poetic Romancer of Fine Ladies, I'm not sure if you realize this, but she's just a cartoon. What the hell is wrong with you people? What is it about animated breasts that make you all stupid? Have you people actually seen real breasts? They're useless!"

See, that's the point I was trying to get at with the new character. Breasts are useless. Now stop being stupid. And stop bothering these poor women that have these enormous chest melons. They're deformed people. Damn it! Just appreciate the female body for what it is and that's all.

See, now y'all've spoiled the whole Boobs Are Useless plot. Good job! I hate you all. I hope you die, you impatient, nudity-seeking mother fucking bastards!

I'm done, alright? DONE. Give me a D (not a triple D), an O as in "Off my back", N as in "No Nudity" and E as in "Everyone's a fucking prick"!


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