Transcipt
[The Fan Mail begins by showing the audience Germaine's mail room]
Foamy: Welcome, one and all, to the all-new Foamy Fan Mail set! Here, we have our traditional coffee maker, awesome, a spiffy new laptop, more crazy crap on the wall, and, of course, your fan mail. So, here we go:
{picks up the letter and reads it out loud}
"Dear Foamy, I like the new look of the cartoon, Germaine's boobs are awesome, and I would totally do her now."
(disappointed) For fuck's sake, man. Really?! First letter of the new series and it goes back to Germaine's boobs?! Really?!?! That's it! Dude, get in here!!
{Germaine enters the room in her lingerie and holding a coffee mug}
Germaine: What?
Foamy: Stand there and play with your boobs.
Germaine: (shocked) Wait, what?!
Foamy: The first fan mail of the new series and it's about your boobs! Just stand there, play with your boobs, and let everyone get it out of their system!
Germaine: Um, no?
Foamy: C'mon! It's the over-exposure technique. The more they see them, the more they won't care!
Germaine: I don't think that works with boobs.
Foamy: You, are no help, whatsoever.
Germaine: Hey! I'll be helpful when you need me for something more important than eye candy. Until then, I'm gonna go have a life in my room all by myself, bitch.
Foamy: Useless!!
{Germaine rolls her eyes back in disregard and walks away from Foamy, meanwhile, Foamy reans another Fan Mail.}
"Dear Foamy, My son has been picking up bad language from your show, please stop swearing."
{Foamy sighs, then he replies angrily to the overprotective mother with tons of swearing}
"Dear Over-protective Fuckface,
It's not my fucking responsibility to moniter your over-developed cumshot of a child! It's your job as a FUCKING parent to moniter what your asshat of a kid is doing with his spare time! Stop being a pussy, grow some balls and do some FUCKING parenting! The world is not going to change, nor should it, to accommodate your insipid hellspawn whose future teen existence will most likely revolve around the word "FUCKING"! If you don't like swearing, go fucking blow yourself, you fucking cock-gobbling, bitch-ass, ball-sucking, FAILURE OF A PARENT!!
Signed,
Your fucking Lord and Master, Foamy."
{Foamy scoffs off-screen}
Foamy: Next letter.
"Dear Foamy, My daughter likes Germaine, but I think she's a bad role model. Is there any way you can change Germaine so she can be a better image for young girls?"
{Foamy signs again}
Foamy: This is how it's gonna go today?
"Dear Bitch-Head,
Let me tell you something about role models: Cartoons are not a role models! The best role model your daugther can have is that of an attentive mother who teaches her the difference between reality and fiction! A cartoon is fiction! Apparently, you are unaware of this yourself, considering you are writing to an imaginary cartoon squirrel. Nothing will change and your daugther will be a whore regardless of your parenting. I'd spend less time writing letters to cartoon characters and more time saving money in order to support your daughter's various, future, illegitimate children! I laugh at you! HA! HA!
Your Lord, and imaginary Master, Foamy!"
Foamy: That's it! I'm done! Since change doesn't matter, people are still stupid! Fuck all y'all! I'm out!
{Germaine walks back in}
Germaine: Hey.
Foamy: What?!
Germaine: Did that fan mail say they liked my boobs?
Foamy: Ah, fishing for compliments! Loser! No one likes you! your ass is fat! Your boobs are huge!
{Germaine sighs}
Germaine: I was just wondering, geez.
Foamy: Die!
{Germains sighs again}