Drugs In Your Head

"Gettin' high on the cream cheese!"

Episode 82

Foamy rants about drugs of all sorts.

Cast (in order of appearance): Foamy

Transcript

{{PG-13/R/NC-17}}

{The Warning screen appears.}

{Foamy appears in some kind of worn-looking cabin.}

Foamy: See, now this is gonna be a touchy subject for all you potheads, {forms a joint with fingers} all you fucking bastards that are {mocking} "lobbying to legalize medicinal marajuana." I'll tell ya right now, these people do not give two shits about the medicinal benefits of medical marajuana, they just wanna get high and not get bothered by the cops. That's all it is, don't let 'em fool you, alright? And I'm sick and tired, oh, {forms mouth with hand} blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah, marajuana, and did you know, they can make jeans out of hemp? Very durable clothing could be made out of hemp. Yeah, and it feels like fucking burlap, you dumbass. Who the hell wants to walk around in something that feels like a potato sack? Maybe you do, I don't. And when they usually interview the head guy of these organizations, they're usually some fucking hacky sac-playing dumbass with beady little red eyes, lying through their fucking teeth and giggling like an idiot. Don't give me this, {mocking} "It's a legitimate form of medicine." Yeah, great, just what our health care system needs, a bunch of broke potheads {forms joint with fingers} running into every fucking hospital they see, trying to get free medicinal marajuana, paid for by the tax payers so they can get high, {forms joint with fingers} because they came up with some fucking stupid dumb-ass fake disease. {mocking} "My eye hurts, give me some pot, doc." Yeah, okay, you know what you do? You light up a joint, and you put it out in their eye. That's my prescribed use for medicinal marajuana. I'm sick and tired of people saying, "Well, it relieves stress." You people are the worst. 1. You're weak-willed. 2. You're fucking pathetic. {mocking} "Oh, I had a stressful day, so I gotta have some pot." {forms joint with fingers} Give me a fucking break, okay? You people just can't deal with reality, and that's your fucking problem. I don't give two shits about, "Oh, I had a stressful day." Big fucking deal, the rest of the world had a stressful day, alright? It's called life, deal with it. And then they try to throw that shit right back at ya, {mocking} "Well, I'm sure you got some addictions, might be caffeine." Oh, yeah, all of the sudden, I have a cup of coffee, and I'm a fucking addict. Oh, oh yeah, cream cheese too, look out! Gettin' high on the cream cheese! You fucking daft bastard. And since we're on the topic of drugs, let's move on up to the crackheads and all these other motherfuckers who have to deal with some kind of foreign substance {mocking} "just to get through the day." Y'know, this is the problem with society, everybody's gotta have a fucking quick fix. Why don't you people just say, "You know what? This is life, life is not enjoyable. Fine, I had a stressful day, you know what? I'm gonna go home and sleep." No, I gotta whip out the crack and have six lines. Nice. You people are pathetic and I hope that you get shot in the head in a drug bust that went wrong. You wanna talk about a stressful day, try having a bullet removed from your head. That is stressful. And don't think I'm picking on the "illegal" drug users. What about all you fucking parents out there that are on, y'know, fifteen-thousand medications out there, {mocking} "for depression"? For post-whatever, oh, {mocking} "I'm not happy, maybe I'm manic depressive." Lighten up! Give me a fucking break, nobody deals with their own emotions anymore. And, and that's the best, these fucking parents who lecture their children about doing pot, yet they're swallowing a bunch of anti-depressants and chasing it with alcohol. Nice. Stop being hypocritical, you dumb bastards. You wanna lecture your kid, you gotta be in the right position to do it. You don't say, {mocking} "One moment, Bobby, I gotta go get my anti-depressant and I'll be right back to talk to you about your drug problem." Yeah, doesn't anybody see the irony in that? You fucking idiots. And it's like, the majority of America is on some kind of prescribed whatever. I went to a doctor, and they're like, {mocking} "You know what you should take? You should take this and this and this, {starts tossing pill bottles around} and that'll stop that runny nose of yours." Well, why don't I just wait for my natural immune system to take over the virus and kill it? "Oh, well, I guess you could do that, uh, but here's a prescription just in case." Yeah, bullshit. Do you realize how many side affects there are? I swear to god, one said, "Side affects may include hallucinations." I'd rather have the runny nose. Fine, I may have some snot on my upper lip, but at least I'm not seeing Elvis in my refrigerator! Dammit! And especially you fuckers that are already on most of this shit? Don't try pushing it off on people that don't want it, like your kid. {mocking} "Maybe Bobby's got some attention defecit disorder." You know what? Maybe the disorder lies with the parent and not the child, okay? Take a good look in the mirror and figure it out. If you don't know and need help, watch this again.

{The Ending screen appears.}

Foamy: {singing} Stop with the drugs, drugs in your head.

Fun Facts

Explanations

• Foamy is well-known for his obsessive love of cream cheese.

Fast Forward

• In Squirrel Songs VI, Pilz-E sings about being so high he sees Elvis in his refrigerator.

External Links

• Watch "Drugs In Your Head"